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There are many things to consider when contemplating adopting an older child. While it can be an extremely rewarding experience, adopting older children will have its share of complications and struggles. Children who are adopted at a later age typically do not have the same social skills as their peers. An infant learns social skills and behavior while observing their parents and other loved ones during the early emotional and social developmental period in their lives. Since they typically have not had positive social behavior modeled to them they can struggle with what is expected of them. The best course to take is to go slow and model the correct behavior for them. Therapy can also help and is encouraged as a mean to deal with the new surroundings and expectations.
Older adopted children can also lack a sense of attachment to their new family. This is due to the fact that they may have never known the workings of a proper family unit. Children feel a sense of attachment to their parents due the parent’s fulfillment of the child’s needs. Since an adopted child’s needs were more than likely not met it never bonded with adults or a family unit in a positive way before. This is when knowing your child’s full history is very important especially if they have been in multiple foster homes. If they are a foster child, attachment maybe even more difficult since the child may have been placed in several homes which all lacked a positive social environment. If children fail to attach to the family emotionally and no bond is made there can be a feeling of hostility and resentment on both sides.
The most important thing to remember when adopting an older child is to remain consistent. Most older adopted children were taken from unstable environments and have not experienced a consistently positive home environment. If you remain consistent in your attention, love and discipline it will help create the structured and positive environment that the child has been missing and enable the whole family to bond.
